Now that you have identified the signs of alcoholism in yourself or a loved one, what do you do next?
If You are the Drinker
The simple answer is to stop drinking and get help. While that is a simple solution, it is not an easy one. Alcoholism is addictive, and when you stop drinking there is withdrawal that is unpleasant, painful, and even life-threatening. You need medical assistance to handle the changes to your brain and body, as well as therapeutic support to help you overcome the psychological addiction. You also need help to expose the reasons that caused you to drink too much in the first place. Alcoholism is a complex issue in people's lives, and it is not the kind of thing you can deal with alone.
Where to get immediate help:
1. Go to an AA meeting. Call AA or find the information on the internet. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a confidential support organization that has been proven to work. They can help you deal day to day, minute to minute with alcohol and its effects.
2. Contact a medical professional. This may be your family doctor, a walk-in clinic, or an addiction rehabilitation centre. Prices range from free to very expensive, but you will be able to find help within your budget.
3. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and make a decision to change your life, beginning in that moment. Decide that your survival is more important than the next drink. But don't set your expectations too high for your present circumstances. The road to recovery is long, hard, slow and uphill. Just resolve to do better today than you did yesterday. And if you slip, regroup and begin again.
If the drinker is someone close to you
Do NOT confront the drinker by yourself! Reactions can range anywhere from sadness and remorse, to anger and bodily harm to you, the drinker, or those nearby. You need professional help to be able to initiate such a conversation with the drinker. If an intervention is warranted, you will have professionals who know how to handle the situation. Please do not try to deal with this yourself, even if you feel you have the skills or a good relationship with the drinker. Alcoholism causes unpredictable behaviour, and it's always best to handle the situation carefully. I repeat, get professional help.
Where to get immediate help:
1. Contact Al-Anon or Alateen. They will help you get through day to day, minute to minute, and advise you of the best way to deal with the situation.
2. Speak to a medical professional or addictions counselor regarding how to get treatment for the alcoholic. They will be able to arrange services, and an intervention if necessary.
3. Look after yourself and those who depend upon you first. While your heart may go out to the drinker, you must take care of yourself and your dependents first so that you can be in a position to help your loved one overcome alcoholism. You may think of it as being selfish, but it is really only survival. Just as you put your own oxygen mask on before helping someone else if an airplane decompresses, you must look after your own safety and security needs before you can help anyone else. If that means leaving the home and seeking shelter from an abusive drunk, you must have the courage to take that step. It will be hard, but no harder than trying to live with an alcoholic. Believe me, I know.
If you recognize the signs of alcoholism in yourself or someone you love, please get help as soon as possible. Don't sacrifice another day of your life to alcohol.
Why the Quiz Doesn't Work
If you've done any research on the signs of alcoholism you may have come across one of these quizzes. They are a list of questions that ask about various aspects of a person's drinking behaviour. It usually goes something like this:
1. Have you ever lost time from work due to drinking?
2. Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
3. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
4. Do you crave a drink at certain times in the day?
5. Do you drink alone?
And so on. The idea is that if you answer "yes" to any of these questions, you may have a drinking problem and you should see your health care provider for an assessment.
While these quizzes may alert someone whose life is being affected by the actions of a drinker, it is highly unlikely that the drinker will read these questions and give honest answers. The reason for that is because denial is one of the first signs of alcoholism.
An alcoholic is not going to take a quiz such as this, or answer truthfully even if they do. Not because they are cheating, but because they simply do not recognize that alcohol is a problem for them. That is why it is such a dangerous and destructive disease. One of its first symptoms is making you feel as though you have nothing wrong with you.
All it takes is just one of the signs of alcoholism to indicate a drinking problem. If any such sign is present, get help as soon as possible. Like cancer, the earlier you can stop the progression of alcoholism, the better.
1. Have you ever lost time from work due to drinking?
2. Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
3. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
4. Do you crave a drink at certain times in the day?
5. Do you drink alone?
And so on. The idea is that if you answer "yes" to any of these questions, you may have a drinking problem and you should see your health care provider for an assessment.
While these quizzes may alert someone whose life is being affected by the actions of a drinker, it is highly unlikely that the drinker will read these questions and give honest answers. The reason for that is because denial is one of the first signs of alcoholism.
An alcoholic is not going to take a quiz such as this, or answer truthfully even if they do. Not because they are cheating, but because they simply do not recognize that alcohol is a problem for them. That is why it is such a dangerous and destructive disease. One of its first symptoms is making you feel as though you have nothing wrong with you.
All it takes is just one of the signs of alcoholism to indicate a drinking problem. If any such sign is present, get help as soon as possible. Like cancer, the earlier you can stop the progression of alcoholism, the better.
Al-Anon Saved My Life
I still wasn't sure my husband was an alcoholic, despite his heavy drinking, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to go to one Al-Anon meeting and see what it was all about. Down deep, I think I was hoping to get validation that my husband was NOT an alcoholic.
I felt warmly welcomed at the meeting. It had been a long time since I had been among people who were so caring. Everyone else I knew had been put at arm's length because of my husband's drinking, so I didn't really have any close friends anymore.
As I listened to the others talk about how someone else's drinking was affecting their lives, I realized that not only was my husband well and truly an alcoholic, but that he was in the later stages of alcoholism.
The most important thing I learned at that Al-Anon meeting was the principle of "detachment". It is a way of detaching emotionally from what the alcoholic says or does. You just decide not to let it affect you, by detaching. It separates you from the emotional storm that can happen when you get upset by someone's drinking. Instead of giving in to those emotions, just detach. Do not let it affect you. It doesn't mean you don't care, or that you are not really affected, just that you don't show it or act on it. Detach.
Detachment saved my life.
When I got home from the meeting, I was alone. My husband was still out drinking. Instead of getting upset that he wasn't home, and knowing what he was doing, and in what state he would return, I decided to practice this detachment that I had just learned about. I detached from the fact that he was out getting drunk. I stopped myself having any emotion about it. It was just a fact, that he was not there.
There was a telephone message from a creditor asking for payment on a bill that was long overdue. Instead of getting upset about that too, I tried detachment again. I was able to put the thoughts of our meager finances out of my mind enough to remove emotion from this overdue bill. That allowed me to think about how I would solve this problem, and I made a plan for dealing with it.
Detachment wasn't as hard as I thought.
A few hours later, my husband stumbled in the front door. He was very drunk, and very, very angry. The minute he saw me, he started calling me names and being sarcastic. "Well, well, there she is, the little lady, the useless little lady." He became argumentative, and continued to insult me. He was spoiling for a fight, and there was no one to pick on but me.
I knew, that if I responded angrily to his taunts, I would be lying on the floor with the next breath. A strong man, he could easily fell me with his fist, and kill me with a couple of punches. He had beaten me before. If he started hitting me this time he might not stop. I knew that he badly wanted a fight, and I was the target.
So I detached. Whatever he said to me, whatever he did, I was not going to respond with anger or tears. I detached, and responded with complete neutrality. I offered to make him something to eat, knowing he would pass out before I had it made. Where that would have made me angry before at the waste of food, I showed no emotion, only detachment.
I detached from every comment and gesture that he made. And a miracle occurred. When he saw that he was not going to be able to draw me into a battle, he stopped trying. Shortly, he lay down on the couch and passed out.
I know full well that if I had reacted with anything other than detachment that night, I would not be alive to write this to you today. I learned detachment at Al-Anon, and it saved my life.
I felt warmly welcomed at the meeting. It had been a long time since I had been among people who were so caring. Everyone else I knew had been put at arm's length because of my husband's drinking, so I didn't really have any close friends anymore.
As I listened to the others talk about how someone else's drinking was affecting their lives, I realized that not only was my husband well and truly an alcoholic, but that he was in the later stages of alcoholism.
The most important thing I learned at that Al-Anon meeting was the principle of "detachment". It is a way of detaching emotionally from what the alcoholic says or does. You just decide not to let it affect you, by detaching. It separates you from the emotional storm that can happen when you get upset by someone's drinking. Instead of giving in to those emotions, just detach. Do not let it affect you. It doesn't mean you don't care, or that you are not really affected, just that you don't show it or act on it. Detach.
Detachment saved my life.
When I got home from the meeting, I was alone. My husband was still out drinking. Instead of getting upset that he wasn't home, and knowing what he was doing, and in what state he would return, I decided to practice this detachment that I had just learned about. I detached from the fact that he was out getting drunk. I stopped myself having any emotion about it. It was just a fact, that he was not there.
There was a telephone message from a creditor asking for payment on a bill that was long overdue. Instead of getting upset about that too, I tried detachment again. I was able to put the thoughts of our meager finances out of my mind enough to remove emotion from this overdue bill. That allowed me to think about how I would solve this problem, and I made a plan for dealing with it.
Detachment wasn't as hard as I thought.
A few hours later, my husband stumbled in the front door. He was very drunk, and very, very angry. The minute he saw me, he started calling me names and being sarcastic. "Well, well, there she is, the little lady, the useless little lady." He became argumentative, and continued to insult me. He was spoiling for a fight, and there was no one to pick on but me.
I knew, that if I responded angrily to his taunts, I would be lying on the floor with the next breath. A strong man, he could easily fell me with his fist, and kill me with a couple of punches. He had beaten me before. If he started hitting me this time he might not stop. I knew that he badly wanted a fight, and I was the target.
So I detached. Whatever he said to me, whatever he did, I was not going to respond with anger or tears. I detached, and responded with complete neutrality. I offered to make him something to eat, knowing he would pass out before I had it made. Where that would have made me angry before at the waste of food, I showed no emotion, only detachment.
I detached from every comment and gesture that he made. And a miracle occurred. When he saw that he was not going to be able to draw me into a battle, he stopped trying. Shortly, he lay down on the couch and passed out.
I know full well that if I had reacted with anything other than detachment that night, I would not be alive to write this to you today. I learned detachment at Al-Anon, and it saved my life.
What are Your Signs?
People always look for the signs of alcoholism in the alcoholic or heavy drinker. They never look for signs of alcoholism on those people around the drinker. There are distinct signs that can be found in the spouse, the family, and the colleagues of the person who is in the grip of alcoholism.
Don't talk, don't think, don't feel. In the psychology community, this is a sign of a co-dependent or dysfunctional family. You can't talk about the drinking and its effects, because you feel ashamed. People wouldn't understand. If they learned about what was going on, they might intervene, and that would disrupt the status quo. Perhaps it's all you can do to maintain things as they are, a disruption might put the situation out of control, and you can't risk that. Similarly, you don't think about what is going on, or the consequences. And you try not to feel or show your feelings.
You didn't see what you saw, or hear what you heard. This is what is called crazy-making behaviour. The alcoholic did or said something while drunk, and later on completely denies that it happened. Over time, you start to think you are crazy because you seem to be the only one seeing or hearing these things. You begin to doubt your own sanity, even though you know that they did indeed happen.
You become increasingly isolated. You become cut off from your friends and family. You do not socialize the way you used to because you don't want to go to any gathering that has alcohol available. You don't want the drinker getting drunk in public, and you don't want to risk exposing your situation to other people.
You begin to experience health problems. You may start having anxiety attacks, or repeated colds, infections, and pain. You may become clinically depressed, but you don't have the luxury of actually getting sick and recovering because you have to be the one to keep going. In some cases, a physical illness becomes a cry for help and a way to get some attention from the medical community for you or family, without directly pointing to the alcoholic. Kind of a side-door approach. Also, the stress of living with an alcoholic is very wearing. You may experience increased fatigue and a suppressed immune system.
You may begin to exhibit your own addictive behavior. You may turn to food, smoking, overconsumption of coffee or soft drinks, even drugs such as valium or codeine. Like the drinker who is using alcohol to dull their pain, you also are experiencing pain from the situation and attempt to escape it in whatever way you can.
Personality change. You may experience a change in your own behavior to compensate for the changes in the alcoholic. You may become more controlling, start to put more responsibility on your children, become withdrawn or even the opposite, more outgoing. You might start to feel like you are "not yourself", and that you have to act a part, acting like nothing is wrong.
If you recognize yourself in any of these signs, please get help. Living with alcoholism is destructive to everyone involved. Alcoholism is a progressive, degenerative disease, and if not treated, can lead to death. Either the alcoholic's, or yours.
Don't talk, don't think, don't feel. In the psychology community, this is a sign of a co-dependent or dysfunctional family. You can't talk about the drinking and its effects, because you feel ashamed. People wouldn't understand. If they learned about what was going on, they might intervene, and that would disrupt the status quo. Perhaps it's all you can do to maintain things as they are, a disruption might put the situation out of control, and you can't risk that. Similarly, you don't think about what is going on, or the consequences. And you try not to feel or show your feelings.
You didn't see what you saw, or hear what you heard. This is what is called crazy-making behaviour. The alcoholic did or said something while drunk, and later on completely denies that it happened. Over time, you start to think you are crazy because you seem to be the only one seeing or hearing these things. You begin to doubt your own sanity, even though you know that they did indeed happen.
You become increasingly isolated. You become cut off from your friends and family. You do not socialize the way you used to because you don't want to go to any gathering that has alcohol available. You don't want the drinker getting drunk in public, and you don't want to risk exposing your situation to other people.
You begin to experience health problems. You may start having anxiety attacks, or repeated colds, infections, and pain. You may become clinically depressed, but you don't have the luxury of actually getting sick and recovering because you have to be the one to keep going. In some cases, a physical illness becomes a cry for help and a way to get some attention from the medical community for you or family, without directly pointing to the alcoholic. Kind of a side-door approach. Also, the stress of living with an alcoholic is very wearing. You may experience increased fatigue and a suppressed immune system.
You may begin to exhibit your own addictive behavior. You may turn to food, smoking, overconsumption of coffee or soft drinks, even drugs such as valium or codeine. Like the drinker who is using alcohol to dull their pain, you also are experiencing pain from the situation and attempt to escape it in whatever way you can.
Personality change. You may experience a change in your own behavior to compensate for the changes in the alcoholic. You may become more controlling, start to put more responsibility on your children, become withdrawn or even the opposite, more outgoing. You might start to feel like you are "not yourself", and that you have to act a part, acting like nothing is wrong.
If you recognize yourself in any of these signs, please get help. Living with alcoholism is destructive to everyone involved. Alcoholism is a progressive, degenerative disease, and if not treated, can lead to death. Either the alcoholic's, or yours.
Study Finds Five Types of Alcoholics
No one is immune from the effects of excessive drinking. It doesn't matter how old you are, male or female, your ethnicity, or your family background. Alcoholism can affect anyone.
The high percentage of young adults among alcoholics was unexpected, notes researcher Howard Moss, M.D., the associate director for clinical and translational research at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).
"While we knew that many young adults had problematic involvement with alcohol from our research on college-aged drinkers, we were certainly surprised by the proportion of alcohol-dependent individuals who fell into that young adult cluster," Moss tells WebMD.
In the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence, Moss and colleagues describe the five types of alcoholics. But before you read those descriptions, keep Moss' advice in mind.
"We hope that if someone suspects they may have a problem with alcohol that they talk about this with their health care provider," Moss tells WebMD. "If the health care professional is uncomfortable with assessing alcohol problems (and we hope all such professionals are comfortable with these assessments) the individual should ask for a referral to an addictions specialist for an in-depth evaluation," he says.
(WebMD)New alcoholism research identifies five types of alcoholics and shows that young adults account for more than half of U.S. alcoholics.
The high percentage of young adults among alcoholics was unexpected, notes researcher Howard Moss, M.D., the associate director for clinical and translational research at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).
"While we knew that many young adults had problematic involvement with alcohol from our research on college-aged drinkers, we were certainly surprised by the proportion of alcohol-dependent individuals who fell into that young adult cluster," Moss tells WebMD.
In the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence, Moss and colleagues describe the five types of alcoholics. But before you read those descriptions, keep Moss' advice in mind.
"We hope that if someone suspects they may have a problem with alcohol that they talk about this with their health care provider," Moss tells WebMD. "If the health care professional is uncomfortable with assessing alcohol problems (and we hope all such professionals are comfortable with these assessments) the individual should ask for a referral to an addictions specialist for an in-depth evaluation," he says.
Descent into Alcoholism
There are four identified stages or signs of alcoholism that you should be aware of as you try to determine how much of a problem alcohol has become in your life or the life of someone you care about.
They are:
They are:
- Desire to drink -- the drinker feels better if they have a drink. They feel they are better able to cope with life if they have a few drinks. Drinking makes them feel in control, able to converse with people, they feel more comfortable in social or business situations, and they feel they can stop drinking whenever they want to.
- Need to drink -- the drinker has a dependence on alcohol, although they are quick to deny it. Their drinking may be noticed by family or friends, and they get defensive when asked about it. They object to any suggestion that they drink too much.
- Increased loss of control -- the drinker may have good intentions to have only "a couple of drinks" but as soon as they start drinking, they cannot control their drinking behaviour and a few drinks becomes many drinks. They may drink until they are very drunk, and cannot stop themselves from continuing to drink.
- Total loss of control -- the drinker must drink in order to function in daily life. Alcohol has completely taken over and in order to feel okay, as in "not hung over", the drinker has a compulsion to drink. Drinking starts earlier in the day, and lasts later at night. The drinker's job, family and health are in jeopardy. If the drinker does not get immediate treatment, an alcohol-related death is a distinct possibility.
Alcoholic -- That Can't Be True!
When you see the signs of alcoholism in yourself or someone you love, your first instinct is denial. This can't be true! Denial itself is a sign of alcoholism. People who have a drinking problem don't want to acknowledge it or admit it. That's one of the effects of the disease. Alcoholism affects the brain as well as the body, and the addiction grabs hold of you such that you don't even want to contemplate the idea of it being a problem. Every addict, every alcoholic denies that they have a problem.
Even those of us close to an alcoholic deny it. This is an aspect of the co-dependent relationship that we often have with the alcoholic in our life. Just as they are dependent upon alcohol, we are dependent upon them and even upon them drinking. As they drink, we try to carry on a normal life, and we create a status quo -- we want things to stay the same because there has been enough of an upheaval in our lives due to the drinking. Change is not good when you are in a co-dependent or alcoholic relationship. Change is frightening, and change means things are not under control.
Control is also a sign of alcoholism. The drinker cannot control his/her drinking, so they try to control other aspects of their life. The spouse, and even sometimes the children of the drinker know what it is like when things are out of control in the family. Drinking causes uncertainty and fear. Often the spouse of a drinker becomes more controlling in an effort to keep things "normal".
These are the behaviors of someone who is being psychologically affected by alcoholism. Whether you are the alcoholic, or you live with one, it has a detrimental effect on your life.
If you recognize any of these signs of alcoholism, push the denial aside and seize the only kind of control that will be helpful -- contact Al Anon, Alateen, or Alcoholics Anonymous and get some help. Your life may depend on it, and your sanity certainly does.
Even those of us close to an alcoholic deny it. This is an aspect of the co-dependent relationship that we often have with the alcoholic in our life. Just as they are dependent upon alcohol, we are dependent upon them and even upon them drinking. As they drink, we try to carry on a normal life, and we create a status quo -- we want things to stay the same because there has been enough of an upheaval in our lives due to the drinking. Change is not good when you are in a co-dependent or alcoholic relationship. Change is frightening, and change means things are not under control.
Control is also a sign of alcoholism. The drinker cannot control his/her drinking, so they try to control other aspects of their life. The spouse, and even sometimes the children of the drinker know what it is like when things are out of control in the family. Drinking causes uncertainty and fear. Often the spouse of a drinker becomes more controlling in an effort to keep things "normal".
These are the behaviors of someone who is being psychologically affected by alcoholism. Whether you are the alcoholic, or you live with one, it has a detrimental effect on your life.
If you recognize any of these signs of alcoholism, push the denial aside and seize the only kind of control that will be helpful -- contact Al Anon, Alateen, or Alcoholics Anonymous and get some help. Your life may depend on it, and your sanity certainly does.
How to Recognize the Signs of Alcoholism
I knew I had married a good man. He was a hard worker. He cared about me, and he cared about his job. He had had a hard life growing up, and it seemed because of that I loved him even more, for despite the rough childhood he had experienced, he was neither bitter nor withdrawn.
We had been married for ten years before I started to realize that anything was wrong. It took me years to realize that my husband was an alcoholic.
Part of that was from my own naivete. I had never been around people who drank very much, and we didn't really go out to clubs or bars as a couple. None of our friends were drinkers. Neither of our families drank very much either.
So I was completely unprepared for dealing with the effects of alcohol in our lives.
That inexperience almost cost me my life.
You have come to this page because you are wondering about the signs of alcoholism. That is very common. It is often difficult to tell whether someone is an alcoholic or whether they are going through a period in their lives when they are drinking too much. Neither case is a good one, so it's wise that you are seeking more information.
I lived with an alcoholic for 16 years, and we both survived. That is a triumph of which I am extremely proud, though I don't take any credit for it. My husband got sober, beat alcohol, and has been free of it for 25 years now. Because he got sober, he was able to be a father to our children, and to reach the top of his profession. We wouldn't even have children if he hadn't stopped drinking. He certainly would have lost his job from drinking. Alcoholism almost destroyed our family.
If you are struggling with the issue of drinking in your home and family, my heart goes out to you. I have been there. It was literally a miracle that allowed me to recognize the signs of alcoholism and get some help for myself and my husband. I'll share that story with you as we go along.
Just know that there IS help for alcoholism and you are not alone. Here are some signs to look for:
What I know is that alcoholism is a destructive disease that affects not only the person afflicted but those around them as well. If you do not get help, you risk abuse, illness, divorce, and death.
If any of these signs of alcoholism have resonated with you, if they have sounded all too famliar, I encourage you to get help immediately, for yourself or for your loved one who is displaying these signs. Alcoholism can be overcome, but it isn't easy. I have listed some resources in the sidebar, and will continue to provide information and encouragement through this blog. Please contact me if you need some additional assistance. soa001
We had been married for ten years before I started to realize that anything was wrong. It took me years to realize that my husband was an alcoholic.
Part of that was from my own naivete. I had never been around people who drank very much, and we didn't really go out to clubs or bars as a couple. None of our friends were drinkers. Neither of our families drank very much either.
So I was completely unprepared for dealing with the effects of alcohol in our lives.
That inexperience almost cost me my life.
You have come to this page because you are wondering about the signs of alcoholism. That is very common. It is often difficult to tell whether someone is an alcoholic or whether they are going through a period in their lives when they are drinking too much. Neither case is a good one, so it's wise that you are seeking more information.
I lived with an alcoholic for 16 years, and we both survived. That is a triumph of which I am extremely proud, though I don't take any credit for it. My husband got sober, beat alcohol, and has been free of it for 25 years now. Because he got sober, he was able to be a father to our children, and to reach the top of his profession. We wouldn't even have children if he hadn't stopped drinking. He certainly would have lost his job from drinking. Alcoholism almost destroyed our family.
If you are struggling with the issue of drinking in your home and family, my heart goes out to you. I have been there. It was literally a miracle that allowed me to recognize the signs of alcoholism and get some help for myself and my husband. I'll share that story with you as we go along.
Just know that there IS help for alcoholism and you are not alone. Here are some signs to look for:
- The person gets defensive when asked anything about their drinking
- They experience periods of memory loss as a result of drinking
- Hangovers are more severe and last longer
- The person never seems to be sober
- They can't get rid of the smell of alcohol around their person
- They hide alcohol, and drink throughout the day
- They drink even when there is no one to drink with
- They avoid social occasions where alcohol is not available
- They seem to have fewer friends, but more "drinking buddies"
- Activities involving alcohol are more important than other activities
- They seem to always have a drink in their hand
- It seems as though a lot of money is being spent, but you can't figure out where it's going
- They are experiencing other health problems such as panic attacks, depression, anxiety, trembling, irritability, excessive sweating, taking longer to get over colds or heal from cuts, diabetes, liver or kidney problems.
- They call in sick more often than the average
- They neglect their physical appearance and personal hygiene
- They become angry or abusive, or have a personality change when drinking or when hung over from drinking
- They don't seem "like themselves".
What I know is that alcoholism is a destructive disease that affects not only the person afflicted but those around them as well. If you do not get help, you risk abuse, illness, divorce, and death.
If any of these signs of alcoholism have resonated with you, if they have sounded all too famliar, I encourage you to get help immediately, for yourself or for your loved one who is displaying these signs. Alcoholism can be overcome, but it isn't easy. I have listed some resources in the sidebar, and will continue to provide information and encouragement through this blog. Please contact me if you need some additional assistance. soa001
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