What are Your Signs?

People always look for the signs of alcoholism in the alcoholic or heavy drinker. They never look for signs of alcoholism on those people around the drinker. There are distinct signs that can be found in the spouse, the family, and the colleagues of the person who is in the grip of alcoholism.

Don't talk, don't think, don't feel. In the psychology community, this is a sign of a co-dependent or dysfunctional family. You can't talk about the drinking and its effects, because you feel ashamed. People wouldn't understand. If they learned about what was going on, they might intervene, and that would disrupt the status quo. Perhaps it's all you can do to maintain things as they are, a disruption might put the situation out of control, and you can't risk that. Similarly, you don't think about what is going on, or the consequences. And you try not to feel or show your feelings.

You didn't see what you saw, or hear what you heard. This is what is called crazy-making behaviour. The alcoholic did or said something while drunk, and later on completely denies that it happened. Over time, you start to think you are crazy because you seem to be the only one seeing or hearing these things. You begin to doubt your own sanity, even though you know that they did indeed happen.

You become increasingly isolated. You become cut off from your friends and family. You do not socialize the way you used to because you don't want to go to any gathering that has alcohol available. You don't want the drinker getting drunk in public, and you don't want to risk exposing your situation to other people.

You begin to experience health problems. You may start having anxiety attacks, or repeated colds, infections, and pain. You may become clinically depressed, but you don't have the luxury of actually getting sick and recovering because you have to be the one to keep going. In some cases, a physical illness becomes a cry for help and a way to get some attention from the medical community for you or family, without directly pointing to the alcoholic. Kind of a side-door approach. Also, the stress of living with an alcoholic is very wearing. You may experience increased fatigue and a suppressed immune system.

You may begin to exhibit your own addictive behavior. You may turn to food, smoking, overconsumption of coffee or soft drinks, even drugs such as valium or codeine. Like the drinker who is using alcohol to dull their pain, you also are experiencing pain from the situation and attempt to escape it in whatever way you can.

Personality change. You may experience a change in your own behavior to compensate for the changes in the alcoholic. You may become more controlling, start to put more responsibility on your children, become withdrawn or even the opposite, more outgoing. You might start to feel like you are "not yourself", and that you have to act a part, acting like nothing is wrong.

If you recognize yourself in any of these signs, please get help. Living with alcoholism is destructive to everyone involved. Alcoholism is a progressive, degenerative disease, and if not treated, can lead to death. Either the alcoholic's, or yours.